Gross Shoes… set the mood: Dancing Shoes – Arctic Monkeys

I am the slave of gross shoes.

It’s not my fault.  And I honestly don’t think they are all that gross; my knowledge of how gross they are comes from my family, my friends, and my embarrassment when I go into a shoe store to try on some cute little pink kitten heels (as though I need another pair…).

My gross shoes are great.  I haven’t replaced them or thrown them out altogether because they are comfortable.  And despite their grossosity, they are so versitile.  I can wear them with jeans, capris, shorts, skirts.  Yes, I actually will ruin a perfectly nice ensemble with my gross shoes, just because I know I’ll be walking a lot.  The myth most people believe of cute shoes is that they are ultra comfortable.  That’s not always true.  Regardless of how much they cost, how well they fit, and how broken in they are, you can’t wear them forever.  Forever  being 10 hours.  Most shoes will hurt after ten hours.  These shoes, not so much.

But, alas, they are “gross”.

So why will I not get rid of them?  If it’s gotten to the point where I’m saddened when people notice them and their weirdness (yeah, they are kinda funny looking too… I originally bought them because a friend found a pair in red, and they looked beautiful, like silk slippers, but I could only find ice blue, which apparently look like “future shoes”) and when people like, say, my mother, make fun of them.  Clearly I’ve taken them too far, but what can I do?

I went to the Diesel website in a vain attempt to find something comperable.  No such luck.  I’ve found a couple of pairs that don’t look too bad, but let’s face it I am picky and I’m rarely impulsive.  Mostly because I don’t like to be wasteful, and it seems silly to buy something just because it seems brilliant in the moment, then get home and try to find a place to shove it becaue it’s not at all practical or even me. 

I’m begining to think that perhaps my gross shoes are some sort of obvious metaphor for a bigger problem, but which one? The fact that I love my job even though it provides me with little intellectual fulfilment/is physically bad for me because I work long hours without breaks and become stressed out far too easily? Is it because I never really let go of people in my life because I like to let everyone impact me somehow (always positively, I don’t like to hang on to negative feelings because it’s an imroper use of energy)? In all honesty, I think of everyone I’ve been really close to at least once a week for no real reason other than I allow random things to revive these people in my mind.  Is that bad? Do other people do that? I’m weird, aren’t I?

Will throwing out my gross shoes make this stop?