An open letter to recreational walkers…

February 8, 2006 at 5:06 am Leave a comment

Me: a trim, cute female jogger dressed in black running tights, a burgundy Running Room jacket with super reflector tape, and pale blue and white New Balance 766s…

You: Homo sapien, 14-65, white/brown/blonde/black/red/blue hair, glasses/no glasses, male/female, clothes, shoes, maybe a hat, enjoying the day while walking slowly (or perhaps mid-pace) in the centre of the path…

I approach you from the distance, sometimes from behind, but most often from the front. Either way, you know I am coming, for my presence is indisputable. I have been running for a good 45 minutes, and I am panting uncontrollably, although I can only feel this because I am totally rocking out to my awesome running playlist on my ipod.

Most likely you are walking with a partner today. I would not be dictating this letter so much to a single walker, although I will mention your kind later on.

With your partner, understandably so, you are walking side-by-side. This I do not have any qualms with, for there is little point in spending a nice jaunt with another soul if you are to walk single file. Since you are not underweight midgets, you are clearly consuming public airspace across the entire path. The width of the paths is the concern of the city, and not the citizens, but it is up to the citizens to use the paths wisely.

As I approach you, our eyes meet. This is the initial stage where we acknowledge one another’s existence, a minimal act of courtesy. I keep my pace, as I am striving to maintain a mile under ten minutes, and as noted previously, my soundtrack is outstanding. Just as we are about to meet, and I am to expect you to drop behind your companion, allowing me to continue my jog along the asphalt path, you do not, and at the last minute, I am forced to avoid a collision by darting into the stretch of wet mud (or snow/slush depending on the season), ruining the pearly white finish of my podiatric sheaths. I curse under my breath as I continue passively on my way.

Not only did you force me into the mud like common cattle, but you didn’t even smile while doing it!

The 14th edition of Emily Post’s Etiquette expresses that “good ‘pedestrian manners’ are every bit as important to people who want to escape being injured as to people who want to avoid injuring them…” Henceforth, I shall under no circumstances allow a disgruntled walker, who is clearly jealous of my physique and athletic prowess, subject me to such discrimination simply because I am capable of propelling my person in a way you never could without threat of a cardiac arrest. In the future, if I see you approaching me, I shall run my ground, without wavering, and if you are in my trajectory, you shall be brought down with the length of my humerus and the power of my will. Unfortunately I’ll likely miss your cry of shock and awe as I’ll be too busy listening to my most excellent rock and or roll.

On a side note, if you smile in return (for I am always civil enough to offer a greeting), you may be spared. But only if I am not premenstrual. You have been warned.

Yours truly,


Entry filed under: An Open Letter To..., rants.

Dr.Strangelove saves the day… Unfortuante bus experiences and passivity…

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