Maybe when the bruises heal I’ll be able to forget you – Set the mood: not about love – fiona apple

February 28, 2007 at 11:39 pm 1 comment

Not that I want to. Not forever. Just for now.  You can tell I’m not so great, I’m listening to Fiona Apple again.

It’s hard when you’re with someone for a while to just not be with them anymore. Not that we were together for a long time chronologically, but considering we spent a majority of our time together often made it seem like I couldn’t remember life without him. Now, I’m starting to forget what life was like with him, so I guess that’s a sign of healing. So is the fact that I’m writing this. I wouldn’t have been able to do it until now.

Now I avoid things that make me think of us. Like Tom Waits for instance. I love Tom Waits, he loves Tom Waits (maybe more than I do. Tom Waits, my number one favorite artist of all time, reminds me of him. So I don’t listen to Tom Waits. I listen to Kevin Quain, who although is quite wonderful in many respects (he didn’t think so, which might be why I’m switching teams for the time being) is still no Tom Waits. I think everyone is a little saddened by that. Except Tom Waits of course.

What else do I avoid? Chinatown. He lives on the cusp of Chinatown AND Little Italy, which means that both asian cuisine and italian are out. I don’t much care for italian since I can’t eat wheat, but pho is the greatest food known to man! And the best pho place in town is up the street! I’ll just have to only go for pho with my hot friend Dave from now on.

Movies. He bought me 81/2 for Christmas. Not going to watch that now, not yet. We were going to see a handful of films soon to be released. I guess I’ll have to drag Hot Dave to those too (no, I won’t. He hates movies, which is why we aren’t meant to be. That and he doesn’t know who Tom Waits is. Oh, and he has a lovely girlfriend).

Other things I need to stay away from in order to not think of him? Nipple rings, Benson & Hedges, Black hair dye, my bustier that fell behind my bed when it was thrown there in a fit of passion last fall, looking left as the bus goes by Lebreton Flats, the list goes on. Okay, it really doesn’t. I can’t think of anything else.

But you know what I can’t avoid? THE TEETH MARKS YOU LEFT ON MY ARM. Every time I take my shirt off, there they are. It’s been how long? Too long for those stupid bruises to still be there! I’m fair skinned, I know that, I’m use to getting bumped up and having the marks stick around for a while. A frequent example I use would be the crazy scar on my knee from falling off the treadmill. And my EMAIL. I have 9.5 screens (yes, screes, with like 40 emails per screen) of emails from you. You were the only person who emailed me, this I now know. Well, except for that stupid fake financial group who keeps spam-ing me. Bastards.

Oh, that and the chunk of hair that’s fallen out of my head because I’m so psychologically not well that my hair follicles took a vote and decided to go on strike. Funny, I thought I was handling the situation well. I only cried for a week. I’m NOT depressed in any form, that’s progress from the last fucked up relationship I had.

Okay, this wasn’t fucked. There was nothing fucked about this. The way I see it, thanks to Kate, is that a breakup situation didn’t actually occur. It was more like you died. Metaphorically of course, you’re still alive and all. But the guy I met and fell for, something happened to him, cause he’s gone. I actually saw him leave, I could feel it (okay, that’s fucked). I hated myself for not trying to help, but I don’t think I could have. And that saddens me. Mostly because I always considered him my friend before my boyfriend. Best friend, actually. Now I have to rely on the back-up best friends (just kidding back-up friends 😉 ).


Entry filed under: This That and The Other.

Men An Open Letter to a Sick Fuck… Happiness is a Warm Gun – the beatles

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Megan 2.0  |  May 22, 2007 at 6:31 pm

    Thanks for mentioning me in this.
    I feel loved.
    And a little famous.
    My name is on the internet haha.




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