An Open Letter to CATA… Set the mood: Boys on the Docks – Dropkick Murphy’s

May 28, 2007 at 11:50 pm Leave a comment

Dear Jackasses,

Greetings from your friendly neighbourhood cafe. I believe we are the unfortunate establishment formed beneath your irritating and seemingly useless little business. Perhaps you refer to us as your “meeting room”; unlike most meeting rooms, when you leave after having a two hour meeting during which you occupied two tables (and we have how many? 7) which you’ve left strewn with crumbs, milk droplets, napkins, cutlery and other common cafe remnants, your meeting room seems to miraculously clean itself. Perhaps we should rename our little bitty business “The CATA Magical Meeting Room.”

Interestingly, today you decided to schedule your meeting AFTER we’d closed. Huh. That was a funny thing to do. I would have thought that after 3 years you’d know when we close. That doesn’t seem to be the case. Another funny thing was to ASSUME we had nothing better to do but to ALLOW you to hold your meeting, even though we’d already CLOSED for the day.

Oh CATA. You are a funny bunch. I find it particularly amusing when you order your token scones (and I do mean TOKEN, since we know you don’t actually EAT the scones, rather just buy them in order to say you’re a customer), you scurry away to order your coffee, then scurry back to your table, as though you truly believe deep down in your tiny, ignorant hearts that we offer TABLE SERVICE. Hilarity ensues when CATA is in the house, eh?

Do you remember that time we did up a catering for you and you called down to have us come upstairs and collect the serving-ware? And just as I was walking up the stairs, the very CATA employee who had called down was just leaving the building? And the funny thing was that she didn’t have anything in her hands! Neither did her fellow co-worker! Ha! Hahahahahaha!

Well CATA, here’s thanks to you for treating myself and my heathen co-workers like total shit every single day, despite the fact that we let you run a tab, that my boss helped you out last winter when you were too stupid to fix the rads in your creepy little offices, cater your meetings even when you order at the last minute, say nothing when you take up a table for the second or third time in a day since you’d “already had a coffee” from us.  Thanks for never noticing the tip jar. And thanks for being our “best customers” as you worded it so nicely to one of your over-charged clients.

Now I don’t like to be demanding, but to be perfectly honest, even though we clearly owe you many thanks, please consider that you may owe us thanks as well. For not chucking scones at the back of your ungreatful heads as you head out the door.

Cheers,

.megan.

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