a taste of…poetry

Here are but a few pieces from my past which have crept to this site as filler only, and for the humbling experience of having my personal thoughts from the more emotionally confusing and turbulant times of my life accessible to the curious…

.black cigarettes.

Fleeting, passionless moments
encircle us
creating the invisible bond
impenetrable like the smoke rising
from the ashen tip
of your black cigarette I smoke
Soaked in bourbon
clove hangs in the air
our wills combat emotions failed presence
late arrival or early exit
Outside the sunset shadows our inhibitions
smoke continues to pour from both ends
as our visions
hazy from drink
become clear
commonalities are only un-empathetic states
and your black cigarettes I smoke
Poetry excuses that which is tangible
morphological and syntactic sensitivity imply
semantic notions
while meaning is
as empty as the page on which
they were written prior to the pen
merlot brings enjoyment of our being
apart together
insisting I will never love again
you promise to never love me
as moss has overgrown our hearts
which have no room for anyone
but ourselves
You will not notice when I am gone
only that someone
has smoked
all of
black cigarettes.

.my refusal to love.

My refusal to love
Both protects and tarnishes
Me equally
I am safe
In the cold
Without concern
As I will always run first
Distance is a virtue
Solemn constraint
A way of being
Continuous apathy
Enjoying the silence
In a room full of joy
Away from the crowd
I ponder
Thinking always that
Knowing myself is the best way
To let others in
I have yet to realize
My moot explorations create
A house of mirrors through which
I am lost
In fear and sadness
No hope of escape through growth
If only the human could exist
Without the condition
I may rest


The darkness brings a sense of peace
As though the lights aggression
Has ceased attacks
My pulse slows and pupils expand
I fail at fighting myself
To feel different
To feel the same
Such accomplishment remains unfulfilled
Beneath the lantern glow
I stand alone
Frightened of others
All the same
Yet how we are dissimilar
Is upon which my delusions are focused
Unable to release my minds insistence
That I am nothing
And that I have been left behind
As before
Surrounding me
The look and dress are not me
But I stare long enough and discover
The saving common ground
Is that none of us
Are worth anything
(worthless) to them

.i say nothing.

I know not why I love this way
His heart lies with her
He touches me, is most intimate
Is he thinking of her?
She is with him more than I
Even though he says she is gone
I say nothing
He says nothing
She knows nothing
We are together and I am calm
I know when he is with her
And so I cry
But I say nothing
He says nothing
She knows nothing
I have no reason to love him this way
He does not love me
He loves her
Or so he sang
If you let something go
And it does not come back
It was never yours
I let him go
She let him go
And he came back to both of us
Yesterday he sang to me
A song about her
He asked for her hand
She answered no
She let him go
He wrote her a song
Came back to me
Takes my love
And sings about her
Yet I say nothing

it would be a lie

It would be a lie if I said I never think of you
To say I think of you in passing
Our lives together is never the subject on which I dwell
There is no longing to return
To a place where I knew I was not the star
A place where it was always you
Knowing I meant so little was not as difficult as the lie
I told myself on your behalf
Your effect on me is reflected in everything I do
Which leaves me to hold myself
Embittered with everything outside of me
It would be a lie if I said that on no occasion mid thought of you
I hope surly you think of me too
Despite my fear of a future in which you appear
If you reached for me I would feel wanted
A return to a faded life
Strangely lacking in second thought
And entirely constructed on a string of fleeting moments
It would be a lie if I said that I don’t want to return
(but not with you)
While the discomfort and fear is engrained and unmoving
Whose fault will it be if I cannot let go
Or mine?


Everyday is the same
Coffee shops
Line ups
Grinding white noise
I say I am artistic
You say I have that look about me
A solemn face waiting for a reason to smile
Blank wall draped with black velvet
Gazing at me you query my sorrow
Question why it is I feel doomed
Turning away
Laughing through tears
Your emphatic phrases sooth me
Wrapped in your warm glow
I am held by your understanding
When you tell me you would marry me
The commitment is frightening
But I am comforted all the same
By the knowledge
That you’ve accepted me for who I am
And after you’ve gone
I don’t wait for your call
But I expect it
And you always follow through
Even when we say nothing
Your breath tells me
That you are there for me
And I am always happy
To return the favor.

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